PORTRAITS FROM A GOOD FUTURE
A painting show. About 8 minutes. One take if you can.

THE PREMISE
Tuan paints a portrait of someone. He claims he is painting them as they will
look in the year 2075. He is cheerful, a little unreliable, and completely
sincere by the end. The joke is that the future keeps turning out fine.

SETUP
Camera over the shoulder or slightly off to one side. Canvas and Tuan's face
both visible. No cuts needed. Natural light.


0:00 - 0:15  COLD OPEN

(Already painting. No intro, no "hey guys.")

TUAN: People ask me what I paint. I paint people in the year 2075.
(beat)
It's easier than it sounds. They mostly look the same. A little more relaxed.


0:15 - 1:30  BLOCK-IN

(Big loose shapes. Nothing recognizable yet.)

TUAN: This is the stage where everyone gets nervous. Including me.
Right now this could be a person or a soup.
(keeps going)
The trick is you don't paint a face. You paint where the light lands and
then you get out of the way. The face shows up on its own. It's very rude
about it, actually — you do all the work and it takes the credit.

(first color)

TUAN: 2075 color. In 2075 they figured out the light. I don't know how.
I just paint what I'm told.


1:30 - 3:00  THE FUTURE BIT

(Working the head shape.)

TUAN: People ask me if the future is scary. And I say — have you seen the
present? The present is doing numbers.

(beat, still painting)

In 2075 they still can't parallel park. That's my prediction. Everything
else gets solved. Cancer, fusion, the group chat. But somebody is still
going back and forth eleven times outside a coffee shop.

(more paint)

TUAN: The robots offered to help. And he said no. He said "I've got it."
That's my favorite thing about people. We would rather be bad at something
ourselves than good at it with help.

(steps back, looks)

TUAN: ...That's also why this painting is taking so long.


3:00 - 5:00  THE FACE ARRIVES

(This is where it starts to look like someone. Slow down. Let it land.)

TUAN: Okay. Here he comes.

(quieter now, working)

This is the part I can't explain. Two minutes ago that was mud. Now it's
somebody. Same paint. I didn't add a soul, there's no soul tube at the art
store, I checked.

(beat)

It's just that once you get two eyes roughly the right distance apart, your
brain does the rest for free. Your brain WANTS it to be a person. It's
rooting for him.

(paints)

TUAN: I think that's the whole thing, honestly. People are rooting for each
other way more than the news suggests.


5:00 - 6:30  LIGHTNESS

(Highlights. The fun part. Speed back up.)

TUAN: Now the good part. Now I get to cheat.

(a bright stroke)

That's not on his face. That's nowhere near his face. But you believe it,
because I put it next to something dark, and you're a very trusting person.

(another)

In 2075 that's how everything works. Somebody puts one bright thing next to
one dark thing and everybody feels better. They call it engineering.

(beat)

I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm a painter. I once tried to fix a
lamp and now the lamp lives outside.


6:30 - 7:30  THE TURN

(Almost done. Drop the bit. Mean it.)

TUAN: Can I tell you why I actually do this?

(painting slowly)

When you paint somebody, you have to look at them for a long time. Longer
than is polite. And nobody is ugly after twenty minutes. Nobody. I have
never once gotten to the end of a face and thought, no, that one's a
mistake.

(beat)

That's it. That's the whole future I'm predicting. People, looked at long
enough.


7:30 - 8:00  BUTTON

(Turns the canvas around.)

TUAN: 2075. He's fine. He's doing great.

(beat)

He still can't park.


NOTES FOR TUAN

- Don't explain the joke. Say it and keep painting. The painting carries it.
- The sincere part at 6:30 only works because you were silly for six minutes
  first. Don't move it earlier.
- If a stroke goes wrong on camera, keep it. "That's on purpose" is the
  single funniest thing a painter can say.
- Reusable format: same premise, different sitter, every week. The line
  "he's fine, he's doing great" is your sign-off. Never change it.
- If you want it shorter, cut the 5:00 lightness section. Everything else
  is load-bearing.